JESC Countdown: T-14 Days - My Top 5

Hej, everyone! I'm back and better than ever, and for the next two weeks I'm going to be doing a Junior Eurovision Countdown!

I love JESC, and it's one of the best occasions to party in my household!

Without further ado, here are my Top Five Junior Eurovision Songs:

Belarus - Musyka Moih Pobed

Poland: Nie zapomnij

Russia: Water of Life

Armenia: Tarber

1 - Albania: Besoj

Yup. I'm Team Albania, all the way. Besoj forever~

Eurovision Countdown: Converting Your Friends into Eurovision Fans

Here's a completely fail-proof (read: it probably won't work on anyone) guide to converting anyone and everyone ever into a hardcore Eurovision fan.

• Everyone knows that Eurovision songs grow on you the more you hear them, so play your favorite country's song on repeat at full volume until everyone around you starts to love it as much as you do. 
• Invite your friends over to watch a Eurovision marathon. Start in 2010 and work your way up from there. Bonus: Pretend you don't know the winners of the last ten contests by heart. 
• Talk about nothing but Eurovision in the days leading up to the final. You're probably going to be doing this anyway, but now you can tell yourself that you're doing it for a good cause.
• Make Eurovision party invites and send them to all of your friends/co-workers/colleagues/fellow human beings. Someone's bound to show up, right? 

Disclaimer: This how-to guide was created in the spirit of pure fun in order to pass the time until the final. You should probably consult someone who knows things about people, AKA not Kaija, before attempting any of the above. Kaija doesn't know how people work, or even what they are, really. Proceed at your own risk. 

Eurovision Countdown: Getting Ready for the Big Day with a Eurovision Manicure

As the big day draws ever nearer, you might want to start thinking about all the flag-themed things you can incorporate into your daily life. In my house, this means changing all of our virtual wallpaper to Eurovision wallpaper, hanging our French, Swedish, Finnish, Icelandic, Danish, and Austrian flags up with pride, wearing flag-adorned clothing from the UK, and painting our nails with the flags of all our favorite countries. Here's what my Eurovision manicure looked like last year:

Eurovision Countdown: Party Invites

If you're anything like me, Eurovision just wouldn't be the same without an epic party. Your party doesn't have to be roaring for you to have a good time; just invite your closest family and friends for the event so you can enjoy good food and interesting music with the people you love best. In my house, our party is always small - it's just me, my mum, MorMor, and a friend - but it never fails to be amazing.

If you're thinking about hosting a Eurovision party of your own, here are some example invitations to spark your creativity.

Stay tuned for more party tips, including Eurovision foods, what to wear, and more. 

Eurovision Countdown: The Do's and Don't's of Picking Sides

With less than a month to go before the big day, the excitement grows daily. I know that I can barely wait!

Unfortunately, none of us have conveniently blue time machines to take us forward in time, so let's waste some time discussing the do's and don't's of picking sides in Eurovision.

Rooting for the home team: Winning.

Voting for the home team: Weak. And also not allowed.

Rooting for the neighbors: Winning!

Voting for the neighbors: Meh.

Rooting for a song based on the betting odds: Weak.

Voting for a song based on the betting odds: Now, this. This is unforgivable.

Rooting for the country you share that 'special connection' with: Awesome!

Voting for that country you share the 'special connection' with: Winning.


Now that we've established who not to vote for, let's take a quick look at some FAQ's.

Question: My mum likes a different song that I do! Whatever am I to do?

Answer: Check the betting odds and suckle from the teat of opportunity if your favorite song has better odds of winning; say nothing if your mum's song is actually better than the song you like.

Question: My friends are rooting for the colonials!

Answer: You need better friends. Also, that's not a real question.

Question: Why is it called Eurovision if they're letting Australia participate?

Answer: Shhhhhhhh. Just accept it, child.

Question: I can't wait for Eurovision! What can I do?

Answer: This is a very dire situation. The best thing to do is to rewatch previous years until you feel better. No, scratch that. Rewatching old Eurovision shows is the best thing you can do in any situation.

Question: My wife likes a song I hate! My house looks like a battlefield! This is ruining my marriage!

Answer: It happens to the best of us, brother. The only thing to do is close your eyes, pray to the almighty Eurovision Gods, and wait it out.


Post-Script: Please note that Kaija knows nothing about marriage counseling, music, friends, or time travel, and that this advice is meant purely for entertainment purposes. Unless it helps you. In which case, I will gladly take all the credit. All of it.

Eurovision Review: Slovenia with Here for You

First Thoughts: Alas, we've come to the end of my Eurovision reviewing saga. 'Tis a sad, sad moment. However, Slovenia has a great song so we can finish this thing with a bang!

Best Lyric: You came into my life when I was broken. You heated up my heart when it was frozen. Also: When you're down, down low, sinking in the undertow, you know that I am here for you. As much as I love these lines, I think it's Ms. Slovenia's delivery that makes special. She has a beautiful voice that pairs perfectly with this song.

Worst Lyric: There just aren't any!

Finalist? Definitely.

Final Thoughts: I have a feeling I'm going to be playing this song on repeat for the new few hours. It's just that good.

Score out of 12: Douze points.

Parting Remarks: Thank you, Europe (and Australia) for reading my Eurovision reviews. I'm not a music expert, but I am a hardcore Eurovision fan, so that's got to count for something, right? And on that bombshell, good night!

Eurovision Review: Poland with In the Name of Love

First Thoughts: This song is very forgettable, extremely mediocre, and ultimately 'meh.' It's not bad, it's just not good, and I don't like it.

Best Lyric: Let’s build the bridge from heart to heart in the name of love. Very poetic.

Worst Lyric: I don't think that there are any truly terrible lyrics and I appreciate the song's message, so I'm going to skip this category.

Finalist? Truthfully, I don't think so. This song isn't bad, but it's competing against quite a few much stronger songs in its semi.

Final Thoughts: I changed my mind. I do like it. Here's to peace songs!

Score out of 12: Six.

Eurovision Review: Switzerland with Time to Shine

First Thoughts: I quite like this song. Between the build-up and the chorus, it certainly doesn't disappoint.

Best Lyric: I rather like most of the song, but I think my favorite line is: I've been walking on a lonely road. So many stories I have once been told. No matter what they say, I will follow my heart. 

Worst Lyric: No more mucking around. I'm going up! This isn't bad, just a little silly-sounding.

Finalist? Absolutely.

Final Thoughts: Unlike Unbroken and the Warrior songs, Time to Shine doesn't rely on cliches and weak choruses repeated endlessly. It's the overcoming genre at its finest.

Score out of 12: Eight.

Eurovision Review: Portugal with Ha un Mar que nos Separa

First Thoughts: I don't speak Portuguese, but I like this song. It's fierce, it's untamed, and it's deeply emotional. Ms. Portugal's voice struggles a little with some of the notes in the version I'm listening to, but, all in all, it's a decent song.

Finalist? Probably. The running order and the fact that this song isn't in English won't work in it's favour, but I think that the song is strong enough on its own to slide into the ranks of finalists.

Final Thoughts: I like this song, but I don't love it. It's not completely forgettable, but it's not terribly memorable either. That, combined with the imperfections of the singer's voice, makes me want to give this one a lukewarm thumbs-up.

Score out of 12: Six. Good, but not great.

Eurovision Review: Czech Republic with Hope Never Dies

First Thoughts: The force is strong with the duets this year. I simply adore this song. It's powerful, emotional, beautiful, and everything a song should be. It's one of those songs you can feel in your heart, and I love that about it.

Best Lyric: Where to start? This song is chock full of awesome lyrics. Wait for me; don't cross the sea of pain! Wait for me; I'm lost! I've gone astray. I love, love, love this line. Also: Find me when the night turns into day (turns into day.) Your love is a torch, shows us the way... And: Or we can rise and fight for a light to live for. Simply beautiful.

Worst Lyric: Ravens calling my name, their wings so dark. Soon, they'll take me away. I have their mark. This is the only lyric that seems out of place to me.

Finalist? Absolutely.

Final Thoughts: This is totally my style of music, so perhaps I'm a bit biased, but I love this song. I can definitely see a top 10 finish for it.

Score out of 12: Douze points!

Eurovision Review: Malta with Warrior

First Thoughts: I have one question. Why? Why is there always a song about warriors in Eurovision, every year, without fail? They read the book, but boy did they miss the point. Or maybe I'm missing the point of this song. Who knows? Certainly not I.

Best Lyric: We have to be courageous to be able to get through this. 

Worst Lyric: Break through the silence. I hate the way her voice breaks in this line.

Finalist? Maybe? Don't ask me.

Final Thoughts: This Warrior isn't necessarily a bad song. However, there isn't anything to distinguish it from the other Warrior, which is terrible. And when I'm done listening, I'll forget which was bad and which was horrible, and I'll just assume they were both pants.

Score out of 12: Three.

Eurovision Review: Iceland with Unbroken

First Thoughts: I really want to like this song, because it's Iceland, but the best reaction I can muster is a lukewarm 'meh.' I think we have one too many 'overcoming' songs this year, and while this is certainly the best of them, I still don't like it.

Best Lyric: There isn't really anything I like about this song, but the best part is the intro without a doubt. I rather like her voice when she isn't using it to scream.

Worst Lyric: The chorus. How many times do we need to hear the same dang thing? We got the point the first twelve times.

Finalist? Probably. It's not a bad song, per say. It's just not good. Well, I shouldn't say that. It might be good. I just don't like it.

Final Thoughts: Poor Iceland.

Score out of 12: Six.

Eurovision Review: Latvia with Love Injected

First Thoughts: I really don't like this song. I hate the way it starts out, and I hate every single lyric except for one. The song itself is kind of like Belgium's, and I just don't like this ultra-modern techno disjointed style of music. Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer the part where she's screaming about love.

Best Lyric: Your love revives my soul. I love this lyric. I just wish the rest of the song could be this good.

Worst Lyric: Everything else. I'm not sure why Ms. Latvia is choosing to sing in two different genres in the same song, but it is not working for her.

Finalist? I think not.

Final Thoughts: I think this song could be a good song, if they smoothed out the rhythm and brought the song back together into one whole from all of its disjointed parts. But we all know that's not going to happen, which brings us to our next category.

Score out of 12: Nil points. I feel like Simon Cowell being this harsh, but it's just bad.

Eurovision Review: Montenegro with Adio

First Thoughts: Honestly, my first thoughts were: "It's Montenegrin." In Eurovision language, that means a) it's Montenegrin and b) it's not very good. With songs like Euro Neuro staining Montenegro's Eurovision past, it's not difficult to be a skeptic. However, Montenegro really made a comeback last year and they didn't disappoint this year either. Adio is very classy, very beautiful, and all and all just a very good song.

Best Lyric: I love the entire song, but it's the violin riff and the build up to the chorus that really make the song for me.

Finalist? I truly hope so. I know non-English songs never do as well as their English-language rivals, but I hope that the pure beauty of this song and the power of the Balkan voting bloc can help this song coast into the finals.

Final Thoughts: I actually think this song might be in my top five this year. Here's to the all-powerful ballad! Can I get an opa up in here? Wrong country? Well, okay, then.

Score out of 12: Douze points. I love it.

Eurovision Review: Israel with Golden Boy

First Thoughts: I kind of like the way this song starts out, but it peaks around the thirty second mark and it doesn't get any better from there. This just isn't my style of music, and I personally think the chorus would sound better in Hebrew or Arabic.

Best Lyric: I'm a golden boy, come here to enjoy, and before I leave, let me show you Tel Aviv! Also: Pull me, baby; I'm your trigger. Even I have to admit it's a little catchy.

Worst Lyric: Mama, someone broke my heart again. Now I'm gonna ease my pain... Dancing on the floor. This is a personal pet peeve of mine. I hate it when songs mention 'dancing on the floor.' It's weak. No one assumed you were dancing on the ceiling. Give your audience an ounce or two of credit, will you? And: Gotta go! Three minutes! Bye bye! Seriously? Seriously! It's a Eurovision song, Israel, and you're not even European. *facepalm.*

Finalist? Probably.

Final Thoughts: There are some stellar lyrics in this song, but there are also some I'm really not fond of. All in all, it's a decent song, but I doubt I'm going to remember it once Eurovision is over.

Score out of 12: Five.

April A-Z Challenge - Melodifestivalen

I know what you're thinking. I already did Eurovision, so why do I need to do Mello too? The answer is going to knock your metaphorical socks off.

I'm doing a separate entry for Mello because - wait for it - it's better than Eurovision. Now, take a deep breath. I'm not saying that I love Melfest better than Eurovision, because there are very few non-living things I love as much as Eurovision. However, the sad reality of Eurovision is that some countries *cough* UK *cough* I did not just say UK, I swear *cough* just don't take Eurovision as seriously as they could. Eurovision can also be very political, what with the voting blocs and Russia writing Ukraine creepy love songs every year like, yeah, one day you will be mine and join me, da and the musical travesty that was Get You.

Mello is different. For a full six weeks, some of the best singers in Sweden take us on a wild roller-coaster ride of ups and downs and semis and second chances and lovably annoying interns and light shows and fireworks and actual fire and kissing! Mello is just pure fun. And, yeah, Eurovision is a ton of fun, too, but the two contests have very different hearts and souls and Melodifestivalen just has a certain je ne sais quoi about it that Eurovision lacks.

Perhaps the best way I can think to explain the difference between the two is this: Eurovision is this great, big beast of a contest that has absolutely everything you could ever wish for in a song contest, from eardrum-shattering vampires to beautiful bearded ladies to songs about cake (and who doesn't love cake?) but Mello is... Well, it's Swedish, which is a word listed in the thesaurus under 'better than almost anything else.'

And on that bombshell, goodnight Europe!

Eurovision Review: Cyprus with One Thing I Should Have Done

First Thoughts: Even though this kind of reminds me of Estonia's song, or maybe because it sort-of kind-of reminds me of Estonia's song, I like it. I feel as if it's just a little too slow and a just a wee bit weak, but it's not a bad song.

Best Lyric: The road that once was paved with gold has turned a rusty shade of all the saddest colours in the world. What a beautiful line.

Worst Lyric: I don't think that there are any lyrics that stand out to be as horrible, but Mr. Cyprus's delivery is just so passive and unemotional for most of the song, all of it is kind of lack-luster.

Finalist? Probably not.

Final Thoughts: I really do like this song, but it's as weak as a newborn baby and far too slow to do well on the Eurovision stage.

Score out of 12: Six.

Eurovision Review: Ireland with Playing With Numbers

First Thoughts: I love this song. It's so powerfully emotional, and it speaks to me so deeply. Strong power ballads like these always end up on my top five lists, and unlike Kuula and Eg a Lif, this song is actually in English!

Best Lyric: There are a few I quite like. The highlights are: Do I owe you something? I think I do. They tied our hands, but I cut through. Also: Fragile, misguided minds like mine only know how to use. So poetic.

Worst Lyric: In the arms of the potion, they found our truth. This isn't a fairytale, and truth potions aren't real. Kids these days. *Shakes head.*

Finalist? Normally, with a song like this, I'd say 'absolutely.' However, I would have said that Ireland's song last year was a shoe-in, and I'd have been wrong. Ireland doesn't have many voting allies, and it really depends on how well Ms. Ireland can perform live. I'm hoping to see this act at the final, though.

Final Thoughts: Hold on, I got distracted listening to Ireland's song from last year... Just hold onto my heartbeat... All in all, I like this song. Despite some dodgy lyrics, I can really feel this song's message, and that's always a bonus in my book.

Score out of 12: Douze points. I really like it.

Eurovision Review: Norway With Monster Like Me

First Thoughts: I simply couldn't resist the unbearable temptation to review Norway's, AKA My Fave's, ESC 2015 song any longer. I have loved this song since the moment I heard it. I've loved it since it was the favorite to win MGP. I've loved it since the time I didn't know what was happening in Norway because it got so cold all atom-based movement stopped - oh, wait, that didn't happen, oh well - and I've loved it over mountains, through forests, across desert sands and in pouring rains... *Wistful sigh.* Long story short, I love Norway's song. Did I mention it's my favorite? Because it is.

Best Lyric: All of it. This song is poetry in motion and it fuels my very soul, just like in Latvia's Love Injected. (Which is a terrible song, by the way.) But here are the highlights.

Honey. I'm telling the truth. I did something terrible in my early youth. 

I better let you go, to find the Prince you thought you found in me.... 

Just wave and say goodbye and let you live without a monster like me.

Honey, what am I to do? I have pulled the trigger on this awful truth. Hold me now, 'cause I'm burning up. Sing me something beautiful, and make it stop. 

Just go! To find the Prince you thought you found in me! 

Worst Lyric: What? In my favorite song of all time? No way! I dare you to find something wrong with this song, but you won't be able to, because there isn't one single note out of place!

Finalist? Yes, yes, I will beat upon the drums, rise up, come on and rise up - wait, wrong country, wrong year, oh well, in any case: Yes!

Final Thoughts: Okay, maybe I got a little carried away here. There's just so much raw emotion and so many epicly beautiful moments that I couldn't help myself. Every lyric feels as if it was hand-crafted to sheer and utter perfection; every note's sole existence in life is to better this song. The two singers have unparalleled chemistry and such polished voices that I find it hard to believe this song hasn't won Eurovision already.

Score out of 12: Twenty. It's that good.

Eurovision Review: Sweden with Heroes

First Thoughts: What exactly is the protocol when your favorite Eurovision country sends a song you personally don't like, or maybe just a song that you would like, except you poured your heart and your soul into a different song during that country's national final? Hmm. My mum and my MorMor just seem to take it in stride, but I am not a Casual Eurovision Fan. No, sir, no madam. I am a Hardcore Eurovision Fan, which, this year, has been kind of at odds with being a Hardcore Sweden Fan, a Hardcore Mello Fan, and a Hardcore Joik Fan.

I've avoided the issue thus far by being a dirty, filthy traitor and switching to #TeamNorge and pushing the skip button every time a song, TV show, or person said, did, or hinted at anything vaguely heroic. You have no idea how many 'I rescued ten dozen kittens from trees just last week alone' stories never got told because of my horrible dilemma.

But I cannot run from this anymore. It's my destiny. It's time to decide: Do I stay bitter that my Mello winner came in second, or do I once again drape myself in the flag of Sverige like some victorious Viking warrior?

Let's take a look at my original review of this song:

I love this song. I love the way it begins. I love the staging. I love the chorus. I love the light screen behind him, and I love the little light dude he fist-bumps. I love the message of the song. 

But I don't want it to win Melfest. It'd earn Sweden a top 5 placing for sure, but there's just something about it that I can't quite place my finger on that makes me unhappy it's the bookie's favorite. Perhaps it's just too far-reaching for my taste. We are the heroes? Whose heroes? Certainly not the millions that die of starvation every year. Surely not the billion people who don't have access to clean water. Yes, the world is changing for the better, but I think it's a bit too much to say we're 'heroes.' And on that note, who are the heroes? Am I a hero? Is Sweden a hero? Is Europe a hero? Is everyone a hero? This sounds more like a theme song for the EU than a winning Mello entry. 

Overall, I'd give this a solid 7 out of 10 - a great song, but just not a winner for me.

It seems I like this song rather a bit. In fact, I even went so far as to say I 'loved it.' But that doesn't change the fact that it won Mello. 

Best Lyric: The intro is definitely my favorite part. Don't tell the Gods I left a mess. I can't undo what has been done, let's run for cover. What if I'm the only hero left, you better fire off your gun, once and forever. He said, "Go dry your eyes and live your life like there is no tomorrow, son, and tell the others to go sing it like a hummingbird, the greatest anthem ever heard..."

Worst Lyric: We're dancing with the demons in our minds. I like to think that if I do have little devil-lings scampering about in my skull, I'm not dancing the tango with them every night.

Finalist?: Are you kidding? It's the favorite to win. The only way this isn't getting into the final is if someone decides to start the Apocalypse during his semi.

Final Thoughts: Nah, I'm still bitter.

Score out of 12: Zero, because I cried a waterfall over Jon Henrik. No, really, it's called the Weeping Waterfall and it's just west of here and... Oh, all right. I give it an 8. You're not getting anything more from me, though.